Dear Girl On the Bus,
I have watched you as you pull strands of your own follicles between your molars and chew away. I have seen this and wondered – why do you do this? I have noticed that your hair is a rich chocolatey brown colour. Perhaps as a child you were denied chocolate? Perhaps your parents were too poor to give you snack foods and so instead took snippings of your own hair and forged them into fake bars of chocolate. Therefore as an adult it seems natural to you that follicles of Dairy Milk sprout from your head. You seek out bearded men so that when you kiss them you get the lush flavours of dark cocoa in your mouth.
Maybe it is a bizarre form of synasthesia or taste blindness? I will never know, Girl On The Bus, I lack the neccessary courage to ask. I hope that one day you will find this letter and tell me.