Monthly Archives: June 2007

My disguise

One of the many things I like about being male is my ability to instantly disguise myself by not shaving for a week. Okay a week is hardly the definition of ‘instant’ but it is quite cool to be able to manipulate ones facial features at will without resorting to plastic surgery. Alongside the fact that I’ve recently had a haircut and the fact that sometimes I appear to be quite invisible to to others (see the below entry) I’m thinking of changing my name to Mr Incognito.

Incognito is a much better word to describe me than Nondescript. Or Dullard

The twilight world of office work

We work in a dark corner of the office. The light that passes through the large windows fails to penetrate as far as us. Almost as if the photons, on their million mile journey from the sun to the back of our retinas, got bored and decided to turn around when they got near us. Other people in our office slip by on their way to the kitchen barely noticing that we are there. We are invisible.

In order to enliven our days we have decide to reclain the Lost British Tradition of Elevenses and Afternoon Teas. This neccessitates that, at the alotted times we silently down tools and slip unnoticed into the office kitchen for crumpets and teacakes (or we will do when we remember to actually bring some in) and vast, vast quantities of tea. We have found a supply of earl grey in one of the cupboards, it probably belongs to someone in our office. Maybe over time whoever it belongs to will notice that their stash is slowly (and inexiplicably) diminishing, but with any luck our stealth skills will protect us…

You Shall Know My (very slow) Velocity!

Russian visas are turning out to be a bit of a nightmare because they want to know my exact entry point into the country, but I can’t find that out because I was going to take a bus from Latvia. The snag is that the Latvian equivalent of the National Express (or Greyhound if you’re Oz/US based) doesn’t have a working email address or any timetables on it’s website. In the meantime the clock is ticking if I want to go this summer. I’m guessing winter on the Trans-Siberian route is cold. Very cold.

Must think harder. There must be away.

My attempt at an Olympic logo:

Following from Neil’s attempt (http://www.wibsite.com/wiblog/neil/) I thought I’d have a go using only the ASCII character set
£400,000 for that tosh, Zeus would be turning in his grave on mount Olympus.

### ### ### # #### ## # ## #### # #
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ## #
### ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # #
# # # # # # # # ## # # # # # ##
### ### #### #### # # #### ## ## # # 2012

It’s Haiku time

I was bored recently so I composed the following haiku about my favourite brand of cheese:

Wensleydale cheese
White pies of lactic acid
From udders curdled

It fits the 5, 7, 5 syllable format if you count ‘cheese’ as a two syllable word. Otherwise it’ll have to be an avant garde haiku.

Regrettable career choices I could have made but didn’t…

My current source of employment offers ample time for soul searching. It’s so ample they should probably include it in my job spec. At times I end up musing about what I could be doing instead and have thusly compiled a list of Bad Career Choices. After reading over this my current employment doesn’t seem so bad:

1) Sweatshop/Maquiladora worker
2) Ivory poacher
3) Horse Statue polisher
4) Human Guinea pig
5) Curator of barometer museum (http://www.barometerworld.co.uk/Museum.html)
6) Mr Kinetix – human punchbag and circus freak

Zero

I thought I’d better write and say abolutely nothing of any interest has happened to me this week. I will try and do something utterly insane so that I have more to write about next week.