A handy cut out and keep guide to… (volume 1)

Popular music

You can easily recognise if you are listening to r’n’b music by the following rules –
1. You will be sat on the bus
2. Not more than five seats behind you will be a collective pronoun of 14 year old girls
3. One of then will own a phone with mp3 capabilities
4. She will have it on speaker-phone
5. She will constantly refer to the music as "banging" as in "this is a banging choon"
6. The music will have an annoying beat that goes doop-shhh. doop-shhh
7. The vocals of the piece of music will be performed by a girl and have unneccessary vocal whoa-whoas thrown in (coinciding with the doop-shhs). A male artiste will rap uncomprehenisbly during the chorus

If categories 1 to 7 have been fulfilled you should immediatedly pour hot wax into you ears.
NB to tell if you are listening to gansta rap, reverse step 7 the male will perform the verse and the female the chorus